‘There’s no welcoming committee’: This US couple struggled to adapt after relocating to Switzerland

Every year on their wedding anniversary, Emily and Robert Toole sit down together and ask each other a very important question — should they continue living in Switzerland or return to the United States?

Each time, without fail, they decide to stay put.

“We’re happy,” says Emily. “We’re settled. We have a great family … Thus far it’s been a great adventure.”

Emily and Robert, both originally from Connecticut, relocated to the country famous for its watches, cheeses, chocolate and mountains more than a decade ago.

But immersion into a new culture comes with its challenges, and adjusting to life in Switzerland took some time. In fact, the first year was “horrible,” according to Emily.

Today, they feel it offers the best lifestyle for their five children, who were all born in Switzerland. They love the fact that they’re able to spend so much time outdoors, particularly hiking in the mountains.

They enjoy exploring the Grindelwald and Interlaken area in the Bernese Oberland region of the Swiss Alps and going on “beautiful hikes” in the city of Neuchâtel.

One of their favorite activities is a famous summer tradition in Basel, where locals pack their clothes, shoes and phones into a dry bag, which can also be used as a floatation aid, put on a swimsuit, enter the Rhine River from the Kleinbasel bank and “float home.”

“If you’re an outdoorsy person, then it’s the perfect country for you,” says Robert.

While they may be happily settled there now, Switzerland wasn’t originally on their radar as a place to move to until 2013, when Emily was offered a job in Geneva.

At this stage, Emily, who studied French in college, knew little about the country, other than its “dreamy reputation,” but was keen to live in a French-speaking destination.

She explains that she and Robert, who first met at the University of Notre Dame in Indiana, were used to dating long distance — they’d both spent semesters abroad separately — so “travel was a very big part of the beginnings” of their relationship.

“I couldn’t really ask, ‘Are you going to propose to me?’” Emily adds. “So I thought, ‘I just have to accept this job and then see where it takes us.’”

Emily says that adjusting to her new life there was harder than she expected.

“We both thought, ‘Maybe we’ll try this out for two years,’ and the first year was horrible.” She says she found it difficult to adapt and build connections. “Feeling like I belonged, it really took some time.”

She and Robert married the following year, and he was soon able to get a work transfer to join her in Geneva.

Robert was thrilled to be living in the same place as his wife again, but he too initially “hated” life in Switzerland. “American and Swiss cultures definitely clash,” Robert says.

He was dismayed to realize that there would be no neighbors turning up with a dish to greet the couple. Swiss people tend to “keep to themselves,” he says.

“You have to be proactive to meet people and learn about things. There’s no welcoming committee.”

Things started to change once the couple joined a local church and signed up for clubs where they could pursue their passions.

Robert is now a member of a stand-up comedy club and regularly performs at venues around the country, while Emily belongs to a running club and enters ultramarathons.

“They love their clubs here,” says Robert. “Probably the fastest way to actually meet real Swiss people and become friends with them is to get involved.”

As time went on and their work contracts were renewed, the couple found they were becoming more settled in Switzerland and building a life they loved.

Once they welcomed their first child in May 2015, it felt as though they “had roots” in the country, says Emily.

The couple went on to have four more children.

Raising their children, whose ages range between 11 years and 10 months, in Switzerland has given them an even greater appreciation for Swiss culture, and they enjoy the fact that there is so much focus on children’s autonomy and independence — the couple say their kids all walked to school by themselves from the age of four.

“They’re able to do so much on their own,” says Emily.

Switzerland’s education system is renowned for its high standards, and the couple have been impressed by their children’s development. They appreciate that physical education seems to be just as strongly valued as “formal schooling.”

Emily and Robert regularly send their children off by themselves to the park or sports practices with “little walkie-talkies” to keep in touch.

“We’ve never, in 13 years, had an incident,” says Emily. “I don’t know that we could say the same in the US.”

They’ve slowly adapted to Swiss traditions over the years, but Emily and Robert admit that they still struggle with the less direct forms of communication in the country at times.

“When they get mad, they will write a letter,” says Robert. “They will laminate it, and they will post it on your door before they actually go knock on your door to talk to you.”

The couple have also learned never to do their laundry on Sundays, as noise laws restrict loud noises, including noisy appliances, on this legally protected day of rest.

“The Swiss take their rules very seriously,” adds Emily.

Around 18 months ago, they moved from Geneva to the town of Therwil, just outside Basel, where the rural contrast to their previous city home and the fact that locals speak German — one of the country’s four national languages alongside French, Italian and Romansh — made it feel like a different country.

Emily left her church-based role after the move, explaining that it’s “nearly impossible to have two parents working without the help of a grandparent” as the school hours are “quite scattered” in the country.

She currently leads a baby music group and is undergoing training in the Suzuki early childhood education music program, aimed at babies and toddlers.

The Tooles currently have a Swiss C permit, which allows them to live and work in Switzerland indefinitely, but are about to begin the process of applying for Swiss citizenship.

While they are extremely happy in Switzerland, the family often miss life in America, especially as they haven’t been able to return as much in recent years now that there are seven of them and flight prices have increased.

Emily admits to longing for simple things, such as being able to stop at a drive-through on the way home, or striking up a conversation with a stranger in an elevator.

“I think I miss the friendliness and the welcoming nature of Americans,” she adds, before explaining that they occasionally feel as though they’re “missing out on pretty much everything” in terms of experiences with their family and friends.

“That’s why we make sure we address the question every year,” says Robert, noting that their children, particularly the older ones, see the United States as the “promised land” and love spending time there. “Because for sure, they bring it up very often.”

While they’re open to other possibilities further down the line, the couple feels that ultimately, the quality of life is much better in Switzerland. For one thing, notes Robert, they avoid having to be “in the car all day” — a feature of their visits home that he worries would become a part of life if they ever returned for good.

“I know for me, if we ever move back, that would be the toughest thing to adjust to,” he says.

With their annual return-home conversation fast approaching, Emily and Robert stress that while things might change in the coming years, they see themselves being in Switzerland for the foreseeable future.

“We really feel very blessed,” says Emily. “Sometimes we’re just in awe of the experiences that we’ve been able to have.

“When we were in our early 20s, it really wouldn’t have ever occurred to us that we’d be here.”