Vat ‘n sit: what every couple needs to know before moving in together

As more people choose cohabitation instead of marriage, financial experts are warning couples not to assume that sharing a home, raising children or contributing towards household expenses automatically gives them rights to each other’s assets.

According to Census 2022 data, six out of 10 people were not married, while two out of 10 people in the country were legally married.

Heather Muller, estate product head at FNB Fiduciary, said South African law does not recognise a “common law marriage”. This means cohabiting partners do not automatically acquire rights to each other’s assets, estates, pension benefits or inheritance.

For couples who have spent years building a life together, the consequences can be devastating.

Muller said couples should understand their legal and financial positions before moving in together instead of discovering the risks when a crisis occurs.

“A relationship may be built on trust and commitment, but when it comes to finances and legal protection, assumptions can be costly,” said Muller.

One of the biggest risks is property ownership.

A couple may share the cost of groceries, electricity, school fees, childcare and other household expenses while only one partner pays the home loan and builds legal ownership of the property.

This means that despite both partners making significant contributions to the household, one may have little or no legal ownership of a major asset.

When the relationship ends, the partner who contributed towards household costs could find it difficult to claim an interest in the property.

In some cases, individuals may have to rely on complex legal principles such as contract law, unjust enrichment or universal partnership claims. Proving such claims can be difficult and costly.

Death can create another major financial trap.

Muller said many people wrongly believe that being in a long-term relationship means they will automatically inherit from their partner.

This is not the case.

She said unless a valid will or other specific legal arrangements are in place, an unmarried partner generally has no automatic right to inherit from a deceased partner’s estate.

Muller said this is one of the most common misconceptions among cohabiting couples.

“One of the most common misconceptions we encounter is the belief that a long-term cohabiting partner will automatically inherit from a deceased partner’s estate,” says Muller.

She warns that the absence of a valid will can leave a surviving partner facing financial hardship at an already difficult time.

“Having a valid will and regularly reviewing beneficiary nominations are among the most important steps cohabiting couples can take to protect each other and ensure their wishes are carried out,” she says.

Women can be particularly vulnerable to the financial consequences of cohabitation.

Many women continue to carry a greater share of childcare, caregiving and household responsibilities. These responsibilities can result in career interruptions, slower salary growth, reduced retirement savings and lower long-term wealth accumulation.

A woman may therefore make substantial contributions to the household without acquiring legal ownership of major assets.

Ilse Smuts, also from FNB, said these contributions should not be mistaken for automatic financial protection.

“Many women make significant contributions to a household, whether through childcare, caregiving, managing household responsibilities, or contributing to monthly expenses. However, these contributions do not automatically translate into legal ownership of assets or financial protection if the relationship ends,” said Smuts.

Experts are urging couples to have difficult financial conversations before moving in together.

Having these conversations may feel uncomfortable, but they are essential. A cohabitation agreement is not about anticipating failure; it is about ensuring fairness, clarity, and financial security for both partners.

—  FNB’s Ilse Smuts

They should discuss who owns existing assets, how household expenses will be divided, who is responsible for debts, their savings goals, retirement planning and insurance cover.

They should also agree on what will happen financially if the relationship ends.

A formal cohabitation agreement can help set out the financial arrangements between partners.

Couples should also maintain independent savings and retirement plans, keep records of significant financial contributions and make sure ownership arrangements are properly documented.

Wills and beneficiary nominations should be reviewed regularly to ensure they reflect the couple’s wishes.

Smuts said seeking independent legal and financial advice can help couples understand the consequences of their arrangements.

“Having these conversations may feel uncomfortable, but they are essential. A cohabitation agreement is not about anticipating failure; it is about ensuring fairness, clarity, and financial security for both partners,” said Smuts.

While there are calls for stronger protection for long-term cohabiting partners, the current legal position means couples cannot simply rely on the length of their relationship for protection.

The warning is therefore simple: living together may be a relationship decision, but it also has serious financial consequences.

Love, trust and commitment may be at the heart of a relationship, but without proper financial and legal planning, one partner could be left exposed when the relationship ends or tragedy strikes.

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