Gold Star widow reflects on sacrifice 25 years after 9/11: ‘Remember the families’
Twenty-five years after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks changed the United States and sent a generation of Americans into military service, one Gold Star widow is reminding the country that the sacrifice of war does not end when a service member dies.
Kimberly Hazelgrove understands that sacrifice from both sides.
She served in the U.S. Army, and in 2004, her husband, Chief Warrant Officer Brian Hazelgrove, was killed while serving in Iraq. Kimberly was left to raise their young children without their father.
Today, she serves as national vice president of Gold Star Spouses of America, working to support surviving military spouses and their families.
Speaking with The National News Desk on the 25th anniversary of 9/11, Hazelgrove reflected on how she has worked to ensure her children know their father, some of whom were too young to remember.
“Our kids were very young,” Hazelgrove said. “Our youngest was only six months old when he died in Iraq. Our oldest was about 11.”
That meant each child experienced the loss differently.
“They’ve had to grow up without their parent, each of them grieving separately, depending on how old they are and their memories,” Hazelgrove said. “Our youngest have no memories of their dad.”
For Hazelgrove, keeping Brian’s memory alive has meant teaching their children about more than his military career. She wants them to understand the principles that guided his life.
“I really tried to make sure that they know his values and that we live and teach those every day: service to others, devotion to his family and, of course, hard work,” she said.
“You don’t get anywhere without hard work in your life,” Hazelgrove added. “Those are the tenets of what Brian stood for.”
Brian Hazelgrove was among the thousands of American service members killed during the wars that followed the Sept. 11 attacks.
For their families, Hazelgrove said the consequences of those conflicts continue long after the initial loss.
“We know that that sacrifice doesn’t end the day that the event happens,” she said. “We are going to carry grief throughout our lives.”
Hazelgrove said she was also thinking on the anniversary about the nearly 3,000 people killed on Sept. 11 and the first responders who rushed toward danger as the attacks unfolded.
“I do want to say how much I’m thinking about the families today from 9/11 and the first responders who heroically responded,” she said. “Our life was completely changed on 9/11.”
The Sept. 11 attacks would lead to the launch of the war in Afghanistan and become part of the broader context for a generation of U.S. military operations overseas.
For Gold Star families, anniversaries can also serve as reminders that grief changes over time, along with the financial, health care and other needs of surviving spouses and children.
“Our benefits and resources that we can access are also going to change,” Hazelgrove said.
Gold Star Spouses of America works to connect surviving spouses with others who have experienced similar losses while advocating for benefits and resources for military families.
Hazelgrove said one of the organization’s central messages to newly grieving families is that they do not have to navigate that experience alone.
“We will never leave you alone,” Hazelgrove said.
“We have generations of spouses who help to share their experience and connect with other surviving spouses so that they have an easier path to walk,” she added.
That support remains necessary as another generation of American military families experiences the death of loved ones serving their country.
Hazelgrove said she does not minimize how difficult the road ahead can be for families receiving that news.
“It’s not going to be easy, and it’s going to be very tough times ahead,” she said.
“You’re going to hear things that don’t make sense. You’re in grief, and you’re going to be in grief for a while.”
But Hazelgrove said organizations serving Gold Star families are working to ensure surviving spouses and children understand what assistance is available to them.
“We are here working to make sure that the benefits that you have available are going to take care of you and your children for as long as you need them,” she said.
Hazelgrove said the organization is also advocating for changes to benefits that have not kept pace with the needs of surviving military families.
“We have some benefits that we are working on currently that haven’t been updated in over 30 years,” she said, pointing in particular to older surviving spouses who are struggling financially.
“We have to stick together, and we have to make sure that we are available to help everyone, no matter what they’re going through,” Hazelgrove said.
The phrase “Never Forget” has become inseparable from the annual commemoration of Sept. 11.
But for Gold Star families, Hazelgrove said forgetting their loss was never an option.
Twenty-five years after the attacks, she wants Americans to broaden the meaning of remembrance to include the spouses, children and other loved ones who continue living with the consequences of military sacrifice.
“Thank you for honoring my husband and his sacrifice to this country,” Hazelgrove said. “But we would also like America to know and to remember and honor the families that are left behind.”
Hazelgrove pointed to health care as one area where she believes surviving military families need additional attention, noting that some dependent children can lose certain military health coverage at an earlier age than young adults are permitted to remain on a parent’s private health insurance plan.
“Benefits need to be updated for today’s economic realities,” she said.
For Hazelgrove, remembering her husband means continuing that work.
And as America marks a quarter-century since the attacks that shaped an entire generation of military service, she has a simple request for those honoring the men and women who never returned home.
“Don’t just honor my husband,” Hazelgrove said. “Remember him and honor him by remembering the families.”