The pressure to be interesting: Social anxiety in the age of visibility

In today’s hyper-connected world, where moments are curated and posted in real-time, simply being yourself can feel… underwhelming. 

It’s not just social media either—it’s the group hangouts where you don’t want to seem “boring,” or the job interviews where you try to package your personality like a brand. 

The pressure to be interesting is exhausting, and it’s feeding a quiet, creeping kind of social anxiety that many of us are just starting to name.

Social anxiety: More than just shyness

Social anxiety isn’t always dramatic. Sometimes, it looks like overthinking every message you send. 

Or staying quiet in a room full of people because you’re scared what you’ll say won’t land right. 

Psychologists describe social anxiety as the fear of being negatively evaluated by others. 

But in a world where everything feels public—where even a soft launch of your personality feels like a risk—that fear starts to feel justified.

From a psychological perspective, the brain processes social threats almost the same way it does physical ones. 

When you anticipate rejection or embarrassment, your nervous system reacts by going into fight-or-flight mode—your heart races, your palms sweat, and your mind overanalyses everything. 

Chronic social anxiety can eventually rewire your brain to perceive neutral social situations as dangerous, even when no real threat exists.

You don’t just worry about being liked anymore. You worry about being interesting enough to belong.

Where the pressure comes from

Let’s be honest, we live in an era where image is everything. On social media, everyone seems to have a niche. You’re either “the funny one,” “the baddie,” “the girlboss,” or “the entrepreneur.” 

There’s no room for regular just aesthetics. And so, many people start to mold themselves into bite-sized versions of who they think they need to be just to stay visible, relevant, or liked.

In our society, this pressure shows up differently depending on your circle. 

Maybe you feel like you have to be constantly achieving something new to gain respect. 

Maybe you downplay your real interests because they don’t seem “cool enough.” Maybe you’re quieter than your friends and feel like you’re always fading into the background. 

No matter what it looks like, the result is the same: you start to feel like being yourself isn’t enough.

Performance mode and emotional exhaustion

Being “on” all the time has a cost. The brain interprets constant performance, whether it’s real or perceived as a kind of stress.

You start anticipating judgment even when it’s not happening. You might replay conversations after they happen, worry that you weren’t “fun enough,” or avoid certain social situations altogether because the pressure to perform feels too high.

Psychologist Dr Carl Rogers emphasised the need for “unconditional positive regard” in relationships, the sense that we’re accepted not for how impressive or interesting we are, but simply for who we are.

Without this kind of acceptance, we often create what Rogers called a “false self,” carefully curated to meet expectations. Living as your false self for too long can lead to burnout, loneliness, and identity confusion.

How to cope without checking out completely

1. Stop trying to be “on” all the time

You don’t always have to be loud, confident, or charismatic. It’s okay to be quiet, unsure, or simply present. Not every moment needs to be shared or polished. The people who matter will see value in your full self, not just the parts that perform well online.

2. Notice when you’re performing

Ask yourself: Am I doing this because it feels genuine? Or because I think it’ll make me more likable or “interesting”? That small pause can help you act from authenticity instead of anxiety.

3. Redefine what it means to be interesting

What if “interesting” meant being curious, honest, or deeply present—not just loud, impressive, or trendy? Shift your definition, and you might realise you already are interesting.

You don’t need a massive circle, just one or two people who let you breathe. The kind of friendships where silence isn’t awkward and you don’t feel like you’re performing are the ones that nurture real confidence.

5. Practice self-compassion

It’s okay to not always shine. You’re still worthy on the days you feel dull. You don’t have to entertain to be loved. You don’t have to be impressive to be valuable.

Social anxiety in the age of visibility doesn’t always look like fear, it often hides behind perfectionism, burnout, or the urge to always be “on.” But you weren’t made to be a brand. You were made to be a person. And people aren’t always interesting. Sometimes they’re quiet, awkward, or unsure, and that’s human.

You don’t need to constantly prove your worth by being the most exciting person in the room. You just need to show up as you are. Because that’s where real connection begins, not in the performance, but in the presence.