It’s cool to be kind … in traffic – The Mail & Guardian

After you: In the Maasai Mara migration, the early bird – or beest – is more likely to be eaten by a crocodile. Photo: Supplied

Is it possible to be too polite? Can being considerate just make you a doormat for more assertive people? Will being kind doom you to failure in your climb up the corporate ladder or in your attempts to become a business entrepreneur?

As with many aspects of life most of us end up in the grey area between the extremes of these human traits. There are those in the “you have to be cruel to be kind” camp and those on the “milk of human kindness” team.

There has been too much written about the tawdry event already but we can be sure that the milk of human kindness wasn’t on the refreshment menu at the White House last week — or the Fight House, as The Sun newspaper brilliantly headlined its story on the Trump/Vance bashing of Zelenskiy. There was nothing kind or considerate about that. 

Another element of the polite puzzle is the subjective matter of what “good manners” is. This can vary depending on what part of the world you are in. The good manners that my dear mum hammered into me were mostly of the traditional kind with one of the main features being opening doors for women and allowing them to go first. 

Nowadays this can lead to big trouble and has made entering a lift an agonising activity for me.

If I just barge in first ahead of waiting women then I am wracked by guilt at my bad manners and if I step back and allow others to enter first then I lay myself open to a swift chop to the neck from a fiercely independent woman. Taking the stairs is probably the safest option.

There are no such doubts in the minds of commuters in India. If the videos on YouTube are anything to go by I would never be able to get on a train. As the train pulls into the station the waiting passengers storm forward before the on-board passengers have a chance to alight. Somehow the melee sorts itself out in time for the train to leave the station, with just the one passenger, who said “no, please, you first”, left standing forlornly on the platform.

And this is not to say this is wrong compared with the more sedate approach of passengers in other countries. 

It is just a different culture.

The masses of wildebeest charging across the plains of Maasai Mara in Kenya during their annual migration in search of greener pastures face a similar dilemma. As they journey across the vast spaces of the national park there is plenty of room for the hungry migrants. 

It is when they come to a river crossing that the problems start. The eager ones push to the front and plunge into the water, but now it is a case of first come, first served because there are hungry crocodiles lurking in the water who have been waiting all year for this moveable feast. So a polite “after you” could be the best approach for those who want to make it to the distant grasslands.

It is on the roads where the different approaches and ideas of what is acceptable are starkly highlighted. South African cities are full of terrible drivers of all nationalities united by their utter selfishness and total disregard for the rules of the road. 

Driving through a red traffic light is not polite. Bypassing the long line of cars in the turning lane and pushing in at the front is not considerate. Ignoring the right of pedestrians to cross at the traffic light when the little man is green is not kind.

All these habits are incredibly annoying but there is one habit that tops them all and which is a speciality of the most selfish drivers of all and what makes it worse is that these people seem to do this with what can  only be described as pride. 

There are many popular restaurants in the main shopping street of my suburb now and late afternoon is the prime time for customers to pick up their takeaway orders. This involves a line of double-parked cars with hungry customers waiting for their food. And behind them is a line of cars with angry drivers who just want to get home after a long day at work.

If the disgruntled drivers dare to show their displeasure at what they believe is inconsiderate behaviour they are met with a look of utter disdain by the double parkers for whom blocking the traffic is just a way of life.

The one certainty on the roads is that taxi drivers are in a special category of their own and their dangerously erratic but strangely predictable actions need to be treated with leniency. They are doing a hard, stressful job and providing millions of people with transport to work. So give them a gap, wave them through and refrain from hooting or cursing at them.

And you just might be rewarded with a polite wave as a kind taxi driver stops to let you into the stream of traffic ahead of them.