An indigestible helping of hype
We keep on hearing that there is an ongoing battle for dominance among the supermarket chains.
Woolworths is clinging to its perch at the top end of the market, Pick n Pay is tightening its belt by closing some stores and Checkers is making advances on all fronts.
Desperate shoppers (not just housewives) were hoping that this struggle for supremacy would result in a price war.
The weekly shopping would not be an agonising experience. A glance at the price tags wouldn’t have you reaching for the blood pressure tablets. And handing over your card at the till wouldn’t result in a snooty message from the bank saying that your account is in arrears.
Sadly this isn’t the case and there has been no let-up in the weekly price increases.
The constant search in those glossy advertising inserts must continue. Is there somewhere with a vaguely affordable price for olive oil? Is there a special on tins of butter beans or tomatoes? Can you afford to buy some fruit this week (even if it’s just bananas and apples)?
And then you have to spend your precious time off from work going from store to store to find the bargains. While you are doing this you can scowl at the lucky few who stroll up and down the aisles at Woolies filling their trolleys with pre-packed salads, tenderstem broccoli, Egyptian grapes and Karoo lamb chops.
Spare a glance also for those who are just there for the buy-three-get-one-free tins of baked beans.
This time would be much better spent lying on the couch binge watching trash TV to recover from the stressful jobs we have to do to earn the money to pay for these overpriced food items.
Instead of simply tempting us with reasonable prices the companies have chosen as their weapons of choice some “celebrities”, with Pick n Pay wheeling out Rick Ross and Schalk Bezuidenhout for a recent promotion.
Rick Ross is an American rapper who, in a long career, has sold millions of albums but whose major claim to fame is the size of his swimming pool and the parties he throws there. The highlight of these parties seems to be when the host hurls his considerable bulk into the pool from a diving board, giving new meaning to the term belly flop. Schalk Bedzuidenhout is an Afrikaans comedian with a “snor”.
What does this odd couple have to do with the price of eggs? What demographic is the company hoping to attract? What were those ponytailed creatives at the ad agency thinking?
Far more appealing to me would be the Snoop Dogg and Martha Stewart tag team. They should really be known as the Teflon Twins because nothing bad seems to stick to them.
Snoop Dogg has the full range of gangs, guns and ganja to his name but he remains “loveable Snoop”, a bit like a large labradoodle that bites the Checkers Sixty60 delivery guy at the gate, pees against the front door and steals the boerie at the braai, but you still let him snuggle up to you on the couch.
Plus he has a really great back catalogue of music, especially those first albums. And he already has a ready-made foodie theme tune, Peaches N Cream, although the lyrics might need to be amended for sensitive viewers.
Martha Stewart was a successful entrepreneur in the home and hospitality sector before she had to make do with the hospitality at a federal prison after being jailed for fraud. She served five months and emerged unscathed to resume her profitable business career and a popular television show partnership with the Snoop.
You can just picture Snoop lighting up a blunt at the rotisserie chicken counter and Martha sampling the ciabatta loaf at the bakery.
Checkers took a slightly different approach by using Jamie Oliver to promote its partnership with Discovery Vitality’s HealthyFood benefit. “It pays to live better,” says Jamie as he sidles up to shoppers in the checkout queue at Checkers.
The first problem here is that Discovery actually charges you a monthly fee to be part of the Vitality scheme. The second problem is that after I have paid the massive monthly fee for my hospital plan (for three people) there is not much money left to pay for those pricey avos that Jamie merrily drops into the shoppers’ baskets. You’ll find me in the lentils and rice aisle, mate.
The third problem is that Jamie is just so indefinably irritating. Preachily healthy, calculatingly Cockney and nauseatingly “chuffed”.
He must have been paid a good pile of dosh to come and convince us that we should be happy with the “rewards” that we get for making these “healthy choices”. And the question that always springs to mind in these situations is, “Does he really need to do this?”
He owns several restaurants, has published more than 35 books, churns out a neverending list of television series and has endorsed a pile of kitchen equipment. Does he really need another slice of the promotional pie? Another bite of the advertising cherry?
I suppose we must just be thankful that they didn’t choose the more overtly irritating Gordon Ramsay, who just can’t stop himself churning out more programmes where he swears at hapless restaurant owners and chefs.
And how about George Clooney? Does he really need to make an ad for a coffee machine? Of course, there is the villa on Lake Como to pay for.
I guess my mother was right when she used to lash me about my extreme laziness and lack of ambition, because my Lotto winner fantasy does not feature anything resembling work, unless walking barefoot on a beach of pristine sand with waves lapping at my feet counts as a chore.
Crédito: Link de origem