It’s not a relationship, it’s a system update: Please restart

In the past, when a relationship started, it actually started. Not anymore. Now, a relationship doesn’t begin—it loads. It opens slowly, freezes suddenly. The partner “stops responding,” so you close it and try again.
Same café, same coffee, but each new date feels like a fresh install.
The problem isn’t you. It’s the system.
Relationships today are more like operating systems: constantly in need of updates.

She says, “I feel like you’re growing distant.”
He pauses, thinks…
— “I thought about you a lot yesterday.”
But the system doesn’t respond. Spinning wheel.
And in that moment, she decides to restart the relationship in her mind.
A new update notification pops up:
“This relationship is no longer compatible with the current version. Please upgrade your emotional capacity.”

Auto-reply: “Unavailable but still love you”

Nowadays, feelings are no longer whispered—they come as notifications.
Love used to live in eye contact. Now it appears at the top of the screen.
— “I really love you.”
— “Message delivered. Your concern has been logged successfully.”
Reply? Comes with a GIF. Twelve hours later.

Forty per cent of conversations now consist of these three lines:

1. “I’ve been really busy, but I miss you.”
2. “Believe me, I’m thinking of you.”
3. “This isn’t how I wanted things to be.”

Then the relationship crashes again.
The person becomes like a restore point—reminding you of better times, but never quite the same.
Because emotions now run from RAM, not long-term memory.

Flirting = “Data transfer failed”

The talking phase? That’s basically the loading screen.
You text. Response comes three hours later.
— “Just woke up.”
It’s 5:43 PM.

You think you’re “emotionally connected.”
They’ve got you minimised in the background apps.

Sometimes a small fight breaks out, and you get texts like:
— “Stop trying to update me. Just accept me as I am.”
But you know deep down…
Any system that doesn’t work eventually needs a fix—or throws an error.

“This device is no longer compatible”

Over time, relationships age like phones.
At first, everything is smooth.
Conversations flow; a touch is enough.
But then systems change.
She wants more emotional presence. He wants fewer words.
She wants to share. He turns off notifications.

And one day…
The page you open redirects you to
404: Emotion not found.

Arguments, mood swings, misunderstandings…
The “high-resolution” love from the beginning pixelates into something barely recognisable.

“Enter password: Access to this heart is restricted”

To win love back now, you need the right password.
The right words, right gestures, right timing.
If not, you’re locked out.
And to reconnect, first you must agree to the “previous arguments.”

She asks:
— “Do you remember what I said yesterday?”
He replies:
— “Uhm… which part?”
Wrong password.
System locked.

The love that loads in silence

And then something happens.
One day, your phone doesn’t ring.
No notifications.
And you realise:
In trying to constantly restart and update the relationship…
you didn’t just tire of her.
You exhausted yourself.

That’s when it hits you:
Maybe love isn’t software that needs constant fixing.
Maybe love isn’t about running without glitches.
Maybe love is that one part of your system
you can’t delete—even when it doesn’t work right.

Some people don’t just become part of your day.
They become part of your memory.
Their scent, their voice, their laughter…
They stay installed somewhere inside you,
still quietly running in the background.

And one day, as you share a cup of tea,
even if nothing is solved,
there’s a silence between you.
But it’s not an awkward glitch—
it’s a stillness where you feel safe.

Maybe love survives not despite system failures,
but through them.
Maybe it doesn’t need to be perfect,
just present.

Love, un-updated, unpatched,
still quietly waiting for you to…
open it again.

Burak Anaturk is a professional civil engineer. He focuses on sharing lessons from his life experiences, exploring diverse perspectives, and discussing personal development topics.
Email:[email protected]